i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
