My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
