there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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