eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
