life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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