can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
