It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
