Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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