Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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