remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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