Whod you bang
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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