her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
