Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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