So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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