Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
