What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
