I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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