I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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