You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
