He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
