you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize