I am in a vortex of obligation.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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