Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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