If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
