2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
