just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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