Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
