She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My cat gives me a boner
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
