she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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