We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
