Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
