i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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