Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
