dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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