I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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