the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
