dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
