i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
