There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
