Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
