I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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