Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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