So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
