I think I died a long time ago.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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