His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
MIDGETS
????
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
