i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i love accidental penises.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
