Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
