I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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