we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
