We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
