We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
