we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The air was thick with penises
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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