sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
