I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize