just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
