Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
