I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
