Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i out mim tonsoeep
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