your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
