It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
