we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
