Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
