Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
