At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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