I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
