Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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