i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
