i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
