he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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