he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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