The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How naked do you want me to be?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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