Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
