I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
