idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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