Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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