Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
