No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
