Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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