I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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