Whod you bang
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
