There is no way he is gay with that hair.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
