At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
