Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize