eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
