I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
