I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize