South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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