dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
third nipple confirmed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
