i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
