Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
