Don't you send me to vm
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
