Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
