That's when you crack a 10am beer
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
