Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
