She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
