were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
