well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
