I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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