He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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