Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
