My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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