My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
