8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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