so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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