just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
